Express Yourself

Self worth and gratitude hand in hand

2011-03-30T21:55:00.000-07:00

As I look back on my life and how far I have come I see a lot of similarities and a lot of differences. I am still the same reserved person I have always been and yet I am not shy and timid as I was. Sometimes when I look back I dislike what I remember, almost as if I am ashamed. What must people have thought of me then? What do they think of me now?
I feel such a competition in life, which strikes me as odd because last I checked God wasn't holding 100 spots for the prettiest, most active of his children. It's not a competition. Sometimes I have to remind myself of this... ok a lot. But when I do remember who I am and that it's not a competition I am happier and I see my self worth.
It took me some time but I finally realized what I was doing in my subconscious. I was comparing myself to others around me or rather to ideals that surrounded me. I had and sometimes still have a complexity issue with believing strongly in myself. I was downsizing my self worth because of how I was different from other people around me.
It might seem strange but once I realized what I had been doing in my subconscious I was able to get around it and I started to see a new light on life. I have felt so grateful and so blessed of late and when I kneel down beside my bed at night I have so much to thank my father in Heaven for that my heart overflows with the joy of it. The way I see myself comes to matter less and in turn my self worth soars because I am not worrying so much about it. Life isn't a competition but a blessing to be enjoyed and used to it's fullest.

Patience is a Virtue

2010-08-09T11:11:00.000-07:00

When you look up the word virtue you get a definition that reads "Moral Excellence, goodness or righteousness." The word Excellence is one that sticks out to me. Excellence meaning the fact or state of excelling; superiority; eminence. We are not just to live up to expectation but to excel and to surpass the world's expectations.
Leading me to my next point that Patience is a virtue. How many of us can safely say that we have never cut someone off, have never sat in line to buy our groceries without stamping our feet or tapping our fingers or have never screamed at a sibling to hurry up because we need to leave? We are all guilty... yes come on admit it.
I think I can guess what some of you might be thinking. Well... I am not the only one who is impatient... everyone around me does exactly the same thing... so I am justified in getting upset every once in a while, after all no one is perfect. True... No one is perfect and we all have flaws.
I am not trying to say that whoever yells at the driver in front of them is going to Hell. However back to my previous statement... Patience is a virtue. Let me rephrase that... Patience is a step in achieving moral excellence. Starting to make sense?
The world might be impatient but we as a virtuous people are striving to be more excellent in our ability to demonstrate patience. President Uchtdorf, 2nd counselor in the 1st Presidency of the church of Jesus Christ said this of patience: "...Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring... Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!..."
He goes on to say that impatience is the result of selfishness. If we are impatient with our fellow man we do not love them and we are not putting them above ourselves. We are thinking only of our own selfish desires. To be patient we have to love those around us and have the desire to serve them and understand them better.
I have learned that patience is more than simply sitting and waiting for the hard times to pass you by. To be patient you have to be "anxiously engaged in a good cause." D&C 58: 27 while you are waiting.
To me patience is simply an outward act of kindness. When you are patient with those around you you better appreciate them and treat them with the respect and love that they, as God's children, deserve.

Everyone has a Voice

2010-08-09T11:07:00.000-07:00

From the time I was little I had a voice. As soon as I could speak I told myself stories. At first it was simply stories I already knew, based off of a book or a movie I had watched recently, adjusted to my taste and my personality. My parents could see it right away; I was not a normal child. ;) Hour after hour was spent rehearsing to myself with magazine in hand the story of characters that pervaded my mind.
Everyone has a story to tell and we are all just dying to let it out. But… in a highly competitive world full of interruptions and everyone competing for their turn in the spot light sometimes the voice you have inside of you is silenced. Or is it? Me… my voice was so strong that I let it out by telling myself my story even if no one else would listen. Personally I think that the writers of our world are those people who aren’t aggressive enough to fight for their chance to speak and yet can’t sit still without letting it all out. Before I became a writer I let it out by talking to myself. The characters that have never made it onto paper are vivid in my mind. I developed them, each unique and with a voice of their own.
I have always wanted to be unique, the kind of person who had a story unlike any other, a story that people would have to pay attention to. Although frankly my life just isn’t that exciting…
So I am left with the option of creating a life inside of my head that is more exciting, full of adventure, betrayal, intrigue and suspense. Would I really want any of the things that happen in the movies to happen to me in real life? Um…. Probably not, but that’s why it’s a story.
As a young girl I never realized just how prevalent my story was to me. It was my identity… no wonder it was screaming to get out. I write this not because I think anyone will care to read it but because I have a story that I need to get out if only for myself to read and reflect on.
If anyone were to read this, I would tell them that their story is important and that they have a voice that needs to be heard. I don’t care what the world says! I don’t care if you are black, white, yellow or purple… you are important and anyone who says otherwise is still a child of God no matter how mislead they may be.
I guess all I am saying is this… before you judge a person; learn their story, get to know them. Nothing hurts worse than having someone jump to conclusions before they read your story…

Becoming a writer

2010-08-02T08:39:00.000-07:00

My story- This is a story that I wrote when I was in eighth grade. I thought it would be fun for everyone to see my writing from a very early age.

“Kiara, Kiara we’re going out the door. Come on.”
“I’m coming mom” I called back. Hurriedly I grabed my shoes put them on and rushed to the door where my family was waiting. “I’m here” I announced excitedly.
“What took you so long?” My sister asked.
“I was just getting my shoes on” I answered annoyed.
“Come on lets go.” My mother said.
“Yeah lets go get something to eat.” My father announced cheerfully. So that is what we did, we went on a sunny hot day in St. George to The Chinese Bufett. The food was great and I stuffed myself with all the great foods; especially the Ice Cream. We were all eating happily when my Dad got a call on his Cell phone. In the next minute everything happened so fast; my dad put down his Cell phone then spoke something to my mother and then both my mother and father sat down looking somewhat upset. They did not eat anything after that. Althought us kids ate plenty. Me and my sister were the last ones to finish up eating and while we did two Chinese men who worked their stared and looked at us and asked us questions like how old we were and what are names were. I did nothing but tell them the truth. Then we walked out to join the rest of our family in the car.
“There you two are.” Said mom the moment we got into the car. “We were beginning to wonder if you would ever come out of the resturant.”
I just smiled. My Mom still looked a little discouraged like she had looked after my dad recieved that strange phone call. “Mom is everything ok?” I asked.
“I’ll tell you later” was all she said.
I was very confused at these words and I wanted to ask my Mom what she meant but I thought better of it. Yet I still wondered if I would ever know what she meant.

***********

Late that day when we got back to our hotel my parents fianally told us what had been bothering them. The call that my father had recieved earlier that day had been a call from his Sergeant in the National Guard saying that his unit was to go to war. We now understood why my parents had been so upset. We all agreed that that resturant was bad luck.

*********

“Comeone guys we need to get ready for Morgans baptism.” My mom called. We all groned not wanting to get in to our sunday dresses to go to Morgan our cousins baptism. I knew that it was important for me to go and support my cousin in her descison to get baptized yet I did not want to get into a dress. “Kiara” my mother called again “we are leaving in 15 minutes.”
“Allright” I called “I’m coming.” I began to pull on my dress though I was not very pleased about it then I wrestled on my tights and finally about 5 minutes later I had them on.
“Kiara are you coming?” My sister called.
“Yeah give me a minute.” I said. A few seconds later I walked over to the door where Mauri my sister was wa•iting. “What took you so long?” My sister asked.
“You do not want to know.” I replied.
*********

When we reached the church we were greeted by my Aunt the mother of Morgan who greeted us warmly. “Hi I am very glad to see that you made it ok.”
“Yeah so are we.” My dad replied.
“I was quite upset when I heard that you had been called to go to war.” She said changing the subject. “It must be very hard for all of you. What do your children think of this or have you not told them yet?” She asked my dad.
“We’ve told them and I honestly do not know what they are thinking.” He answered. I knew what I was thinking though. I was thinking that I was going to miss my dad very much. The rest of the night was alot of fun and soon enough I forgot that my dad was going to war and just enjoyed all the refreshments. During the party I asked my mom if we would be able to stay in a choir that we did while my dad was away. She said that she did not know. I began to get the feeling that things were going to be different while my dad was away and I wondered if things would ever be the same again.

epilogue

My dad really did go to war but things did not turn out to be that bad. Like we thought that he was going to have to go to Kuwait but he did not go their he went to Washington instead we were very greatful for that and we were able to continue the choir that we were in. Now my dad is going to war again this time we are pretty sure that he will be going to Iraq but we will always pray for him. I did miss my dad when he went almost two years ago and he was only gone for 6 months. This time he will be gone for a year and a half. I have no idea what it will be like but I guess that I’m just going to have to find that out. Last time he went he came back on my birthday exactly. That was very special I will never forget that day. We went to IHOP. I am really sad that he has to go again but I know that Hevenly Father will help me through it.

the end

Two Heads are better than One

2010-05-01T10:38:00.000-07:00

One of the adversaries greatest tools in bringing down God's children is that of division. We are more vulnerable alone than we are when we are surrounded by people who want to love and help us.
Earlier today I was reading out of the Book of Mormon in Alma chapter 4. In verse 12 it reads "Yea, he [Alma] saw great inequality among the people." I once heard that Pride is the mother of all sins. I would agree with this because pride leads to so many problems that would not occur if we all believed and saw each other equally and in the way that God our eternal father sees us.
Satan starts with pride, using it as his greatest tools to establish disunion among the people of God because he knows that if we are divided we will fall easier.
We have seen examples of this everywhere including in the animal Kingdom. When a predator wants to take down it's prey it does not attack the group as a whole but rather singles one of them out and then chases it down and kills it.
I am also reminded of the story in Alma of Amalakiah and the way in which he carefully and over time persuades an unsuspecting Lehonti to come down the mountain by himself into the midst of the wolf.
The devil is cunning and he will stop at nothing to get us on our own where he can destroy us. We should never give into those traitorous feelings of feeling like we are better on our own. I have at times felt like this. It is always better to stay in the presence of those who love us and want to take care of us.
There is a reason that God sent us down in family units. He wants us to be unified as families and in the church. The LDS church is based on this whole idea in the forms of wards, branches, stakes... etc. The Lord does not want us to be alone so he puts us with people who can help us in our life journey. Only we can distance ourselves from this safe haven and we must never allow it because our greatest enemy and adversary will snatch us up in the moment that we are alone.

"Dad, guess what? We almost Burned the House Down!"

2010-02-27T08:27:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my dad walked in the door only to be greeted by the various outbursts of my siblings as they exclaimed "Dad you just missed it. We almost burned the house down." To this my dad replied in a sarcastically playful voice "Cool, how big was it?" Then in a more concerned voice he approached my mother and asked "what happened?" only to find that a rogue paper towel had gotten too close to the burner and had caught fire.
This experience was one in many of the kinds of things my dad hears when he comes through the door after work. More often than not there are simply delighted cries of "Dad's home!" However on occasion my dad is greeted by the triumphant cries of my brothers' and sister as they have risen up victorious over some near disaster in the home. I knew, from the moment that we could hear my dad as he turned the door knob that he would barely step through the entry way without hearing about it.
It occurred to me that these "experiences" are part of what makes up a family. I love my family because of their spontaneity and desire to just have fun with what life has to offer. We are not a perfect family and yet we make imperfect work.
Although mom often gets to join in the fun of what her kids are doing during the day, dad gets to hear all about it when he gets home. I often wonder what my dad must be thinking when he comes through the door to hear what escapades his children have undergone during the day. For me I almost find it comical, the stories that he gets to hear first hand the moment he steps through the door.
One of the things in this world that means a lot to me is when I can have pure, innocent fun with my siblings and in the process make my parents laugh. Often times my mother will just roll her eyes at us when we do random and spontaneous things, however the rolling of the eyes is just about as good as making her laugh.
I suppose it reminds me of what we truly are, family. Family members can do whatever they want and not worry about what the others will think, cuz guess what? We are stuck together forever and nothing we do will change that.

A Never Ending Road

2010-02-11T18:56:00.000-08:00

I stare straight ahead into the unknown. The road goes on for miles and miles. I feel a surge of pleasure, of purpose. I follow the road; where it will take me I do not know, and strangely enough I do not care. I just hope it will not end. My thoughts batter around in my head fighting to receive acknowledgment. Each one wishing to be examined and analyzed. My head is clear; I feel emotion and it's OK. I do not have to hold it back here. It is my place of security. No distractions, no putting on the face, hiding from people the turmoil that ravages inside. I am alone, just me and a never ending road.
I smile; I am running, I am leaving my problems behind. I am invincible, nothing will stop me now. The road goes on for miles. I don't have to face anything but the road ahead and another sunset. I drive towards the sunset but I know I will never reach it. The road goes on and on, the sun set never getting closer. It is like a painting, a picture of perfectness. It is beautiful because I can see it and yet it is not my destination. I have no destination.
The tears flow freely, a mixture of sobs and laughter. I remember the pain and yet I know that I am leaving it all behind, and there is joy. My speedometer reaches 90 miles per hour. I am invincible, nothing will stop me. Just me and the miles ahead on my road that has no destination.
I feel free, more free then I have felt in a very long time. I take a deep breath and relax. This is going to be a long trip. I sigh contentedly, resting my head against the seat. I have purpose and yet I do not have a destination. There is nothing to stop me, nothing that I have to do. I am free and I am leaving it all behind.
There are fields on either side of me, fields that run for miles in both directions, as far as the eye can see. The sky above is a light shade of gray mixed with pink from the sun as it drifts behind the mountains. Soon it will be dark, but time does not matter anymore. I have nowhere to be, nothing I must get done. I have all the time in the world and a road that does not end. I am now at 110, the landscape flies past. No... I fly past, I am flying. I am free.
The thoughts nag at me, something is missing. I look back, longing for something I don't remember. The speedometer drops; the road goes on for miles and miles. I am at 50... 40....30, I can't do it anymore. 20....15...10....5... I stop. My hands caress the steering wheel. I stare at the road, the road that has no destination. Never is an awfully long time, I think to myself.
My head is clear, the thoughts cascading around in my head, free... free to think and feel. The sun is almost gone.
I turn the car around... night falls. I reach 65, there is no hurry. I follow the road... I have a purpose. Tears stream down my face, this time there is no pain; there is nothing but joy and love. The love I feel for those who care about me, the ones I left behind.
I am relaxed, a peaceful serenity enveloping me into it's warm embrace.
I sigh in contentment as I follow the road...the road that will take me home.
...I stare ahead into the unknown. The road goes on for miles and miles. I feel a surge of pleasure, of purpose...

Part Two- Take one and... action!

2010-01-29T18:09:00.000-08:00

This is the first chapter in the story after the prologue. Hopefully you guys will enjoy this too.

Chapter 1
It was dark when I woke up. Images clouded my mind. I could still see my mother, streams of black from her smeared mascara running down her cheeks. The phone crashing to the floor, my mother’s dazed look as she fumbled towards the living room. I closed my eyes trying to shut the memories of my dream away, but the pictures only became more vivid. I took a deep breath, sitting up, realizing that I was soaked. My fingers brushed against my pillow, damp. I knew I had been crying again. I looked over at the alarm clock on my night stand. 5:30, school didn’t start for three hours.
Slowly I dragged myself towards the bathroom, decided that it was impossible to go back to sleep. I turned on the faucet, grateful for the noise as I tried to shut out the sound in my head of my mother choking on open sobs. As I waited for the tub to fill I stared at myself in the mirror. My hair, plastered to my face, was practically standing on end in some spots and there were streaks of black around my eyes as I had forgotten to remove my makeup the night before.
I suddenly realized I was freezing. Every inch of my body was drenched from sweat. It was as if I had slept in a pool of water, but rather than feeling refreshed I felt grimy and sticky as if my whole body had been layered in syrup. With a shudder I walked over to the tub and stuck my hand in the water to make certain that it was hot. It was. It was like a current of electricity as the heat from the water ran from the tips of my fingers to every end of my body.
Pressing the play button on my CD player I let the sounds of rock and roll pervade my ears and remove all memories of the dream. I then shut the water off and removing my drenched and sticky PJ’s, sank with gratitude into the warm water, its welcoming embrace enveloping me.
I opened my eyes to the sound of someone knocking. With a jolt I realized I had dozed off while in the water.
“Emma? Are you in there?” I paused, realizing that it was my aunt calling me. What time was it? I wondered to myself. How long had I been in the bath?
“Just a second” I called back. I got up reaching for a towel.
“It’s almost seven thirty.” Seven thirty I thought. Two hours? I had been sitting in the tub for two hours. “I have breakfast ready. Just wanted to make sure you were up and going.”
“Yeah…I’ll be down in a second.” I ran the towel through my damp hair. I hadn’t even shampooed it yet. Oh well… too late for that. I had a half hour to get ready. Wrapping myself in the towel I went back to my room and rummaged through my drawers trying to find something suitable to wear. I settled on a pair of dark blue jeans and a brown sweater. I looked out the window; it was raining again. What a surprise? I thought to myself sarcastically. That was one of the many things I hated about living in the state of Washington. It was green and pretty yes, but it never stopped raining. I longed for the sun. I wanted to go home, California. That was where I belonged and that was where I knew I would go back some day. As soon as I hit 18, the age I would officially become my own guardian, I was out of there.
I pulled my still slightly damp hair into a messy bun and stared at my reflection. As always, this was as good as it was going to get. I hurried back to my room. 7:55, the bus would be here any minute.
“Emma?” I heard my aunt call up the stairs. “Emma. You are going to miss the bus if you don’t get down here right now.” I grabbed my school bag and ran to the stairs taking them two at a time. “There you are. Here… eat this bagel on the way out.” I grabbed the bagel and began stuffing my face. “Hurry, your cousins just walked out the door.”
“Thanks Aunt Joanie.” I said as I ran for the door. I opened the door and ran out into the on pour of rain, pulling my hood up over my head as I did so. I rounded the corner and saw my cousins ahead getting on the bus. I ran, reaching the bus just as the doors were beginning to close. They stopped, opening for me. I climbed on, at the same time getting a rather stern look from the bus driver.
“I keep my stops to exactly five minutes. Not a second longer. Got it?” I nodded and began to make my way down the aisle.
“What took you so long?” I looked over at my cousin, Britnee, the youngest of my aunt’s three daughters.
“She probably overslept…again.” The oldest, Sherice, was looking at a portable mirror, touching up her make up as she always did. Sherice was a tall blonde, quite popular among the guys at school, who delighted in dolling herself up. She always had a mirror and some extra make up with her wherever she went and had a habit of often checking herself in the mirror. She looked up for a moment, a slight smirk on her face, and then turned back, rubbing some extra blush into her cheeks.
Britnee, seeming satisfied at the answer given by her older sister, turned back to her other sister, Leanne, my Aunt Joanie’s second daughter, and began complaining about a math assignment she had forgotten to do the night previous. I continued walking and noticing my friend Alyssa waving from the back went and sat next to her.
“Hi” she said. Her brown curls bobbing slightly as she did so. “You don’t look so good. You feeling ok?”
“Hmm…? Oh yeah. I am fine, just had a long night.”
“It wasn’t another night mare was it?” I stared back at my friend wondering if I should tell her the truth. I decided against it.
“No, I just couldn’t sleep for some reason.” I knew that she was unconvinced but she turned towards the front anyway. I wanted to keep talking to her, to shut out the memories that haunted me, and yet I had no idea what to say. What could I say? I had never been strong in my ability to trust people, no matter who they were. I had learned at a very young age that people, in general, could not be trusted; eventually they would stab you in the back. Companionship had never been one of my strong suits either. I had always lived in constant fear that the people I grew close to would either disappear or do something to hurt me. Such had been the story of my life. Everyone I had ever cared about had been lost to me; and so I had stopped trusting and I had stopped caring, that is until I met Alyssa. She was my best friend in the whole world and the most likely person on the planet who could understand me or who wouldn’t be taken aback by my….gift. And yet I could not trust her, not completely…
I couldn’t think straight. It was just so loud. I put my hands up to my head trying to shut it all out. I hated being in a location with lots of people, I preferred to be on my own. I had always been that way, only at first I had never understood why.
“Are you sure you are ok?” I realized that I had been clenching my jaw, and my hands were pressing against the side of my head, my fingers moving in slow circular motions, massaging my temples. I stopped, relaxing my jaw.
“Just a slight head ache, I will be fine.” It was one of the many things I loved about my friend. Alyssa was one of the most calm, relaxed people I had ever known. I think that was what had drawn me to her in the first place. She didn’t give me a head ache the way other people did. With her I didn’t hear the buzzing, the constant rage in my head that always occurred when I was around a group of people. It was part of my “gift.” Or curse, depending on how you looked at it.
I was different, unlike any other person on the face of the whole earth; or at least as I far as I knew. I had often wondered if there were others like me. I remembered when I was little, how I had hoped, how I had dreamed that Alyssa might be another of my kind. She and only she had managed to understand me better than any other person. And so I had hoped…
But the fact is there are only about .01% of the entire world populations, people who are like me. That is if they are still alive.
“Hey, did you finish that paper for English yet?” Alyssa pulled me out of my silent reverie, the buzzing less prominent.
“No, not quite; when is it due again?”
“I think this Friday. I am not entirely sure, I hope it is Friday. I finished mine but it would be nice to have a few more days… just to tie up the loose ends.” I smiled, that was my friend Alyssa. She had always wanted to be a writer and she took every English assignment very seriously as if it were going to be published. Everything had to be perfect. She had the highest grade of anybody in English and was praised and admired by everyone in the department. I had often used her to help me on my own assignments and papers. She was the only reason I was even passing English.
“How far have you gotten on yours?” She asked innocently. We had arrived at the school. We got to our feet, some of the younger ones pushing and shoving to get to the front.
“I…uh…got a page?” I said tentatively. Another thing about Alyssa, she was very mature for her age. She acted as a mother to most, getting after us for not doing assignments or for forgetting to wash our hands before lunch or whatever else she thought we could do better. But she was a friend to everyone and people looked up to and trusted her, even some of the seniors would come to her for advice.
“A page? Come on Em. We both know you are better than that. Don’t make me come over tonight. You do realize that the assignment is due in a few days and you need at least three to four pages.” She said it as a statement not a question. I smiled at her gentle chastisement. Some would find it annoying. I enjoyed it; it was another thing to distract me from the chaos that enveloped everywhere else. She was my one chance to escape.
“Come on or we’ll be late.” I suddenly realized that I hadn’t moved. I stared at Alyssa a few feet ahead. “Are you coming?” she asked.
“Yeah, sorry I was just thinking about something.” I turned and followed, the quiet peace gone. I frowned as we headed down the hall to geometry. I hated geometry, I hated math in general but there was something about shapes and angles that made everything far worse. We entered the classroom just as the bell rang.
“Ladies, thank you for joining us. Please take your seats.” Mr. Turner gestured to the class motioning for us to sit. I walked to my seat, sitting next to Alyssa.
“Alright settle down, you’re under my watch now. Let’s not waste my time or yours, especially not mine.” It was the way Mr. Turner always began class. “Now if you will please take out your homework from yesterday.” It had begun; I laid my head down on the desk, trying to ignore the buzzing.

Wisdom Teeth: Where's the Wisdom in that?

2010-01-29T17:16:00.000-08:00

So there I was, waiting for my mouth to go numb and suddenly I had the sudden realization that I was not really in control of my situation anymore. I was afraid to move, almost afraid to even breathe for fear that I might swallow my own tongue. It was a very weird experience as I had not had my mouth numbed for quite some time. I couldn't help the thought that I wasn't the one in control anymore. There was no going back and I had no choice but to trust the dentist as he dug into my gums to retrieve the unwanted tooth. I had been worried all night before that something might go wrong. How did I know for sure that they weren't making a mistake and that the tooth was even in there? It had never bothered me before and I could feel nothing to signify that the tooth was even trying to come up. I started to doubt that it was there and I hoped and prayed that the dentist had been right and that I wouldn't have to undergo such an ordeal for no reason.
Such were my thoughts all that morning as I anticipated the inevitable. I told myself that it wouldn't be so bad, I only had one wisdom tooth and very soon it would all be over. It wasn't so bad at first, and I remember thinking after it was over, how fast it had been. I could hardly talk as half of my face was out of commission, but it was over! I bit onto the gauze as it soaked up the remains of the still oozing blood, hoping that I was biting onto that rather than my own cheek. How could I tell the difference? My cheek had no feeling.
Then the numbing started to wear off and I decided that, as annoying as it was to be numb, I would rather not feel anymore. That was when I first felt the pain of what I had just gone through and I wanted to cry. I took some medicine and held the ice pack to my cheek. How lucky I was to have only one wisdom tooth. Eventually the pain began to sooth and I was able to drink some orange juice through the left corner of my mouth.
Eventually I could actually start eating some food and I began to feel slightly better although it still hurt to move my mouth up and down. Hopefully I never have to go through that again. This will hopefully be the last time I have to tell this story...
I used to hate doctors, dentists, whatever. They were all associated with one thing, shots. Very unpleasant. I think a part of me hated going to the doctor or the dentist because I didn't really know or understand what they were going to do with me. It's just that when you do go to the doctor you sort of just have to trust that they know what they are doing. It's sort of like saying..."OK take care of me but please don't mess up. This is my body we are talking about."
Well, I am very pleased to say that everything is fine. There was definitely a tooth back there and it is now out. The dentist didn't mess up and I am great, despite a little trauma to the mouth. Or at least I hope so...

Is this any good?

2010-01-27T10:25:00.000-08:00

OK so I am working on starting a book, so far I have the prologue. I would appreciate any comments that you might have on whether or not it grabs the attention and if you felt like it was worth reading. Thanks :)

Prologue
The sun shone down, baking the city of Las Angeles with its heated rays. The hustle and bustle of the large city had quieted in the late, July afternoon, as the temperature had reached a scorching 115 degrees. A large granite building occupied a good portion of the street, its 100 foot walls towering to the sky, casting a large shadow in all directions. In front of the building lay a large square. In the exact center of the square was a fountain; the gurgling water the only sound that disrupted the still afternoon. A large arch encased the glass doors at the entrance. The label on the façade of the building, lining the arch, read in gold lettering: Harrington Enterprises.
A single man stood in front of the square. The man’s face was weather beaten and worn with age. He wore a dark blue suit, his shoes polished with care as if they were brand new. He turned his eyes, squinting, to look at the sun, mopping the back of his neck with a handkerchief as he did so. Sweat beaded down the man’s face in large drops as he anticipated the task ahead. He was used to the scorching heat having been born and raised in LA. On any other day he would hardly have noticed the temperature; but today was different, and he couldn’t help the nervous knot that was beginning to tie up his stomach. Pulling the handkerchief out once again he wiped his face and licked his dry lips turning to face the doors on the opposite end of the square. Taking a deep breath he walked toward the doors pulling from the back of his trousers a shiny revolver.

Is English just about Grammar?

2010-01-11T19:00:00.000-08:00

An interesting point was brought up in a discussion that I read on face book. One individual seemed to think that English was all about grammar and vocabulary and nothing else. He basically said that it's ok to read books that are not grammatically correct as long as it's not for an English class. What?... Ok slow down and back up. Who says that literature that doesn't have perfect grammar and big words is not worth anything in the English classroom? What about the style of writing? Since when did English become all about structure? What happened to expressing yourself and learning to see the way others express themselves? In my English class, my senior year of high school we focused primarily on reading different pieces of literature and then analyzing those works. We did occasionally focus on expanding the vocabulary and learning the correct grammar because that part is just as important, but it is not all of it.
My favorite part about English is being able to write and express myself. Part of that love came from reading and seeing how other people expressed themselves. I know that writing is not for everyone but at least for me, it sparked something that made me want to be a writer. I had a voice and I wanted to share it. I am sharing it right now and nothing gives me greater pleasure.
I am not saying that grammar is useless and should be thrown at the window. I don't think it should. Grammar is essential to making a writer sound credible. However I don't feel that English should be all about grammar. If the only reason we read in English is to better our grammatical skills and anything else is out, then I think there is a slight problem. You can accomplish just as much for an English class with reading and analyzing a person's voice and opinion as you can memorizing rules and structure.

I don't know what to write about

2009-12-30T16:32:00.001-08:00

Well that's weird, I usually always have an idea of what I want to write on. Writing for me is a way to express what I feel inwardly. I usually write the best when I am the most sentimental about something, or at least when I feel the most on that specific subject. Right now I don't know what to say. This entire week has been one of those weeks where you feel so unproductive and so lazy. I feel like a movie junkie.
It's like I am sitting here waiting for my life to get started. When that will happen I have no idea. If you can't tell, I am being slightly sarcastic. I am very good at that. Ask any of my friends and they will tell you it's true. Actually they might just answer you back with sarcasm themselves. So that's where I get it. Hmm...
It's like my mom has always told me, vacations are good but eventually you have to get back on track. I want to get back on track, it's just a question of whether or not I choose to stop being lazy.
The problem is this, I often wait for circumstances to dictate whether or not I should work hard or just sit around. I keep telling myself that things will get better when I start work next week. Hmm... we'll see about that.
I have talked about this before. I just wrote a wonderful paper on how the mind can work to benefit the human body and that people have the ability to control and monitor the mind. I know very well that I can choose right now to get up off my butt and go do something. But will I? Why is it so hard for human beings to be happy? I mean that in the sense that we have such a hard time choosing to be happy and I will tell you right now that life was not meant to be absolute bliss. If we choose to let circumstance dictate our happiness then we are going to be miserable forever.
Sad as it is that's the way it will be. There's a reason God gave us free agency, the ability to choose. And there is a reason he gives us trials. Wouldn't you know it? Those things go hand in hand. Go figure. You can tie in everything if you really want to. He gives us trials so that we can choose to be happy.
There I have said it. I suppose that is the topic of what I am writing on today. Ok now to make myself feel slightly better, there will be hard times. There always are, but there are good times too and I think that when I remember the good and happy times I can be happy even when I am laying in bed wondering what to do with myself.
So maybe I will be more inventive next time. I know that this topic is the underlying theme in all of my blog posts so far. I would ask my readers to forgive me for that but know that maybe this is something I need to understand better.

Positive Thinking- Actual facts to support what I have believed in all along.

2009-12-14T16:05:00.000-08:00

Thinking Positive
Human beings have always had the ability and the need to work and be industrious. As a species they are naturally inclined to want to accomplish something of worth, not only because it says something about their character but also because it is necessary for them to succeed in this highly competitive world. Because human beings have a natural desire to live in good situations, it is necessary for them to be surrounded by those things that are positive and uplifting. Individuals have the ability to affect their mental and physical well being with the way they perceive and react to different circumstances, as well as through their natural ability to accomplish more good by harnessing the mind’s power to generate a positive attitude.
Recent studies on the brain have shown that the human body feels and responds in a way that relates with what the mind is thinking. Researchers at Wake Forest University have discovered that the mind has the power to relieve pain. A study was done in which the researchers observed ten volunteers, each having a heat simulator applied to their legs, at the same time having their brains scanned to visualize the brain activity of each individual. Each volunteer was taught to anticipate different amounts of pain, whether mild or severe based on a signal given before each stimulus of pain from the heat simulator. On some of the severe stimuli, incorrect signals were given so as to make the subjects anticipate less pain than they would actually receive. On these occasions, each of the ten volunteers said that the pain was less because they had expected less pain (Daily Good, Positive Thinking a Pain Reliever). Pain, like all other responses of the body comes from the brain. The brain sends a signal to the nervous system and the response is a feeling of pain. These reactions are simply the brain responding to an outside force. What many people do not fully understand is the extensive power of the mind to control how the body reacts to certain things; even the physical wellness of the human body can be affected by the thought process of the human brain.
Although some experts doubt the ability of the brain to affect the immune system directly, many studies have shown otherwise. Recent studies have proven that people who maintain a high level of stress or depression are more likely to be susceptible to heart disease and have a higher chance of getting a cold or the flu (Goode, “Positive Thinking may have a Health Benefit, Study Says”). Naturally when a person is stressed about something, they become focused on that one thing, allowing it to consume them. In effect, not only does their outlook on other aspects of their life turn negative but it also affects their physical wellness when they allow themselves to become so wrapped up in a single problem.
People, who choose to be happy with life and to focus on the positive things that surround them, are more likely to be healthy and less prone to illness. The same goes for people who are exposed to positive things. A study done at the University of Wisconsin showed that people who experience negative emotions demonstrate a weaker immune response. They asserted that the greater the electrical activity in the right prefrontal cortex of the brain the more weak a person’s immune response was going to be. On the other hand, activity in the left prefrontal cortex predicted a stronger immune response. Dr. Davidson, one of the researchers at the university had found in a previous study that the regions of the right prefrontal cortex are active during those times when a person feels emotions of anger, fear or sadness. The regions of the left were more active when associated with positive emotions, such as enthusiasm or excitement (Goode, Positive Thinking may have a health Benefit, Study Says).
Because positive thinking can lead to such positive results, it is important and necessary that the human race experience good things that uplift the mind to think in positive terms. When a human being experiences positive emotions it changes them inwardly. The results can be astounding when a human being experiences this change that comes from exposure to good and uplifting things.
Doctor Masaru Emoto demonstrates this by experimenting with water. In his experiment he took bottles of water and exposed them to different words or phrases as well as to different pieces of music. He then photographed the resulting crystals that were created when the water was frozen. His first experiment was with music. By placing a bottle of water between two stereo speakers Emoto was able to create various crystals, based on the type of music that the water was exposed to. He stated:
The results astounded us. Beethoven’s Pastoral Symphony, with its bright and clear tones, resulted in beautiful and well formed crystals. Mozart’s 40th symphony, a graceful prayer to beauty, created crystals that were delicate and elegant… All the classical music that we exposed the water to resulted in well formed crystals with distinct characteristics. In contrast, the water exposed to violent heavy metal music resulted in fragmented and malformed crystals at best. (Emoto xxiv)
Next, Emoto experimented with words by taping a piece of paper, with words written on it such as thank you or fool, around the bottle with the words facing inward. Of this experiment he wrote: “The results of the experiments didn’t disappoint us. Water exposed to “Thank you” formed beautiful hexagonal crystals, but water exposed to the word “Fool” produced crystals similar to the water exposed to heavy metal music, malformed and fragmented” (Emoto xxv).
From these experiments Emoto gathered that if water responds in such a positive way to good and uplifting things then why not a human respond in a similar way? He goes on to explain that the human body is made up of 70 % water and because of this the human body is just as much susceptible to reacting in the way that the bottles of water did, when exposed to different types of music and different words. Emoto states that throughout a human’s life they exist mostly as water, resulting in the fact that they are more likely to respond to an experiment of this nature, because it applies to each human being as they exist (Emoto xv). Emoto illustrates that the water in the human body physically changes when a person is exposed to positive and beautiful music, pictures, words or experiences. He asserts that people responded to his book with such enthusiasm because when they saw the pictures of the crystals, the water inside of them physically changed and responded to the photographs (Emoto 133).
The change in a person who chooses to respond to what life throws at them, in a positive way not only undergoes a change within themselves but they also experience a change on the outside. People notice the difference in someone who is happy vs. someone who is pessimistic in life. What people don’t realize is that they are seeing an actual physical, outward change. It’s not just in how the person acts or speaks, but there is a certain glow about them. When other people look at these types of individuals they, without realizing it, notice that there is certain brightness about those people who choose to perceive the world at its best.
Naturally the mind is a fascinating instrument that, if used properly and indefinitely, can accomplish anything. The mind is at the core of the body, and it has the power to control all of reality, within the mind sphere of an individual. People are what they believe themselves to be. If they believe that they are inferior and limited in their capabilities, then they are. If they believe they are limitless then it’s true, they can do anything.
A study done in 1989 on free throw shooting in basketball illustrated this concept. Various members of a basketball team were separated into three different groups. One of the groups was told to practice every day for twenty minutes, another group was told not to practice at all, while the final group was told to spend twenty minutes each day imagining themselves making every free throw. Of the three groups, the ones who did not practice didn’t improve at all, those who did practice improved their shots 24% while those who imagined themselves succeeding at each shot improved by 23% (Richardson 109).
This study shows the great power of the mind, in its ability to control how individuals perceive the reality that is around them. Because the players believed or imagined themselves succeeding at making every shot they improved by 23 %; simply because they imagined themselves being able to do it.
From personal experience, my parents have always stressed to me and my four younger siblings a vital truth, in that we as human beings are what we tell ourselves to be. I remember several occasions when I struggled to work on a math assignment, discouragement threatening to overwhelm me. My mother would sit at my side, encouraging me to move forward. I would reply in despair “I can’t do this.” My mother would always respond with a gentle but firm “if you tell yourself that you can’t, it’s true, you can’t do this assignment.”
I have since learned my capacity to accomplish anything that I set my mind to. Experiences such as running a race to the end or struggling with a specific fingering in a concerto that I am learning on my violin have all taught me to persevere. In the end I always find myself moving one step further as I accomplish task after task, simply by telling myself that I can, even when I feel as if I have no strength left to finish.
Author Jeff Gee suggests that a positive outlook on life is the basis for leading a successful life. He says: “If we have a great attitude about life, we can handle virtually anything that life throws at us… Sure life can be stressful… but if you decide that you are an amazing human being who can do anything, then the traffic, the weather, and your work won’t bother you (Gee qtd. in The Power of Positive Thought).
Having a positive outlook on life can enable a person to do anything that they want to do. As long as a person has the desire to succeed in life and has a positive attitude about it, they will find themselves with the ability to harness the mind’s power to create an existence in which they themselves are the ones who will determine their reality.

Works Cited
DailyGood. 5 September 2005. 10 December 2009 .
Emoto, Masaur. The Hidden Messages in Water. Hillsboro: Beyond Words Publishing, 2004.
Goode, Erica. The New York Times. 2 September 2003. 9 December 2009 .
Nealy, Michelle J. "Encylopedia Britannica." November 2006. Britannica. 10 December 2009 .
Richardson, Brent. Working with Challenging Youth: Lessons Learned Along the Way. Philadelphia: Taylor & Francis, 2001.

Homesick....?

2009-10-25T11:46:00.001-07:00

If you think about it we are all strangers to this planet. This is simply not our home. We were created by our Heavenly Father in the pre-mortal existence and he is in very deed our Father. We all know or at least have felt that feeling of homesickness, at being away from that which is familiar, that which we call home.
As a teenager, each summer I had the opportunity to travel away from my home and family, on tours all over the United States as well as into Mexico and Canada with a community choir that I was in. I remember the very first tour that I went on; we went to Mexico the summer that I turned 12 years old. I traveled alone without the company of my parents, and being that I am the oldest in my family I had no older siblings to go with me.
At this point in my life I was too young and adventurous to really miss home while on this trip. I rarely gave home a second thought. But as time went on and I began to get older, I started to miss my home, my friends and my wonderful mother more and more. I began to realize my first feelings of homesickness, a new and unplanned emotion that began to entangle itself in the pit of my stomach. I was unsure how to deal with it. All I knew was that I wanted my mother and I wanted to be home where I felt loved, safe and secure.
I am willing to bet that everyone has felt this emotion at one time or another in their lives. I have felt it most recently coming up to BYU Idaho to begin my college career. We are all searching for a way to fit in, a place where we belong and that feeling of security.
Despite how much some may choose to believe otherwise, there is a reason we do not always feel at home on this strange planet. It's because it is not our home. We are just travelers passing through this frail existence seeking to find our way back to Heaven, our home. We are fighting waves of homesickness everyday as we long for the comfort of a loving Heavenly Parent, familiarity, and a sense that we finally belong somewhere.
An interesting point was brought up in Sacrament Meeting today. The speaker was talking about our reasons for going to Church, reading the scriptures and praying. Why do we do these things and why do we feel so good, so refreshed when we do these things? He said that a companion of his on his mission explained this to him by simply saying that it is because we miss our Father in Heaven. Simple as that sounds, it really struck me as I realized the reality of the statement. I did miss my father in Heaven.
We may be away from our homes for a little while, studying abroad or whatever you want to call it. But no matter how far away from our Father in Heaven we are, we still long to be with him, to talk to him and to feel and experience some familiarity while we are away from our home for a time. Church, the scriptures, prayer, these are just some of the ways in which we do this.
I remember talking to my mom a short time ago and telling her my reasons for going to church. I told her that with all the things I am dealing with in my life right now, I could not handle not going to church. I cannot afford to not go. It is one of the things in my life that keeps me going rather than letting my "homesickness" grief, despair or whatever overwhelm me and drag me down.
It was with great clarity that I realized, as the speaker talked about this, that I do miss my Heavenly Father and I miss home. I get homesick all the time, even when I don't realize that I do. But, when I do go to church I feel a sort of relief almost like when I go home to see my mortal, earthly family on a weekend. When I am at church with other people who are striving for and living similar standards as I am, with the same goals in mind, I feel at peace like I belong somewhere, and suddenly I don't feel so homesick anymore. I am home.

Prayer- Communicating with the Almighty

2009-10-15T19:28:00.000-07:00

From the moment we arrived on this earth we needed help and guidance to learn how to function in society. We are constantly learning and growing through interaction, experience and trial and error. Sometimes we learn things on our own, other times we have to ask when we don’t know how to do something.
Imagine your first day of college. Your parents are sending you off into the big world full of uncertainties and new experiences. Your mom is in tears, she doesn’t want to let you go. There are so many things she wishes she had told you, so many things that you have yet to experience. You say good bye, and as you turn to leave your dad says “Remember, if you need anything we’re just a phone call away.”
I imagine that this is very much what our goodbye in Heaven was like. As we prepared to come down to earth our loving Heavenly Father sent us off with a gentle reminder to pray if we ever needed him. Prayer is our Father in heaven’s way of communicating with us. He knew that this life was not going to be easy and that we would need a lot of help. He sent us down with friends and put us in family units so that we would have help in the trying times ahead. But he also gave us something extra special to help us on our journey.
Despite the fact that we were sent down to loving parents to take care of us while on earth and away from our heavenly home, Heavenly Father knew that our loving parents were also children of his own, learning and growing from lives experiences just as much as the child they are charged to take care of. That is why he gave us prayer; it is a life line that allows us a direct call to our Heavenly Father whenever we need him. The scriptures teach us “Ask, and it shall be given unto you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.” (Matt. 7:7-8)
Our Father in heaven does not ask us to do this alone. In fact he knows that we can’t do it alone. President James E. Faust taught: “Each of has problems that we cannot solve and weaknesses that we cannot conquer without reaching out through prayer to a higher source of strength. That source is the God of heaven, to whom we pray in the name of Christ.” (James E. Faust, 59 or 67) God knew that we would reach points in our lives where obstacles stood in the way. But the Lord also promised us that he would never give us anything that we can’t handle. 1 Corinthians 10:13 tells us “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” God will not give us anything that we can’t do or handle. He meant for us to succeed and he will give us a way to escape, that escape is also known as prayer.
Christ taught that we must “watch and pray lest we enter into temptation.” (Mark 14: 38) God wants us to use the life line that he has given us. He didn’t send us down here to fend for ourselves but rather to exercise our free agency and learn and grow through lives experiences with his help.
Why do we pray? What is so important about prayer that we are constantly reminded of its importance and function in our lives? Prophets throughout history have told us to pray always and not faint. (2Nep 32: 9) In Mosiah Chapter four verse eleven King Benjamin tells us that we must retain in remembrance that we are nothing and that we must humble ourselves and pray to the Lord daily.
Without God we are nothing, we wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for him. Prayer may be a lifeline to direct help from the Lord but it is also a way for us to show the Lord that we care and love him and that we are grateful to him. We should always recognize the Lord’s hand in our lives and praying to him daily is one of the ways to do this.
Throughout the scriptures there are many examples of this. Lehi and his family always thanked the Lord in prayer for the blessings they had been given; after Nephi and his brothers brought back the plates the offered up sacrifice and burnt offerings, giving thanks unto the Lord. (1 Nephi 5: 9)
Other reasons for prayer are to remain close to our Father in heaven. The best way to maintain a good relationship with someone is to talk to them. Imagine how our Heavenly Father must feel when we do not talk to him. He loves us so much and it hurts him when we do not return that love by calling upon him. By talking to and listening to him through prayer we become better in tune with his spirit and we are better prepared to receive personal revelation. The more we talk to him the better we come to know his voice and the more likely we will be to hear him calling to us. Alma 5:60 says “And now I say unto you the good shepherd doth call after you; and if you will hearken unto his voice he will bring you into his fold, and ye are his sheep.” We must become familiar with the voice of the shepherd so that we will recognize the call when it comes.
Prayer is a great source of guidance. Throughout our lives we have to make many different decisions. We decide where we go to school, who to marry and when, what classes to take; so many questions and so many choices that we have to make in our lives. Heavenly Father knows everything, and he knows what will make us the most happy. He wants to help but we must first go to him in prayer. He cannot nor will he force a decision upon us. We always have our free agency and therefore we must go to him first. “Pray always, and I will pour out my spirit upon you, and great shall be your blessing.” (D&C 19:38) The Lord has blessings that he wants to give us; all we have to do is ask in humble and sincere prayer.
How do we pray? Christ gave us specific instruction on how to pray. When we pray we need to be mindful of who we are speaking to, we must offer the respect that our Heavenly Father deserves. Russell M. Nelson said “We can use right words- special pronouns- in reference to deity. While worldly manners of daily dress and speech are becoming more casual, we have been asked to protect the formal, proper language of prayer. In prayer we use the respectful pronouns, Thee, Thou, Thy and Thine instead of You, Your and Yours. Doing so helps us to be humble.” (Lessons from the Lord’s Prayers, 47) Showing proper respect for the Lord will enhance our prayers and they will become more sincere. In our prayers we begin by addressing our Heavenly Father and closing in the name of Jesus Christ.
When we pray we do not always need to make them long. Especially in public, keeping the prayer simple will only enhance the prayer and add to the spirit. Russell M. Nelson stated “A closing prayer in a church meeting need not include a summary of each message and should not become an unscheduled sermon.” (Russell M. Nelson- Lessons from the Lord’s Prayers, 46) The Lord will hear and answer all our prayers no matter the length, time spent or things said. Joseph F. Smith counseled “there is such a thing as overdoing. A man may fast and pray till he kills himself, and there isn’t any necessity for it; nor wisdom in it… The Lord can hear a simple prayer, offered in faith, in half a dozen words, and he will recognize fasting that may not continue more than twenty-four hours, just as readily and as effectually as he will answer a prayer of a thousand words, and fasting for a month… The Lord will accept that which is enough, with a great deal more pleasure and satisfaction than that which is too much and unnecessary.” (Joseph F. Smith-133-134)
We must also beware of praying to be noticed. We do not pray to get glory or praise of the world. We pray because we are talking to our Father in Heaven. “And when thou prayest thou shalt not do as the hypocrites, for they love to pray… that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, they have their reward.” (3 Nephi 13: 5) When we pray to be noticed we are not being sincere in our prayer, neither are we showing the proper love and respect towards our Heavenly Father when we call upon his name.
Our Father has told us to pray in secret, not to get glory of the world. 3 Nephi 13:6 teaches “But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father who is in secret; and thy Father who seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly.” Heavenly Father knows our capabilities and therefore he will only expect what we can give. Even the shortest prayer, if it is sincere will mean so much to our Heavenly Father and he will answer us when and how he sees fit.
When should we pray? The prophets have counseled us to pray always. Alma teaches “counsel with the Lord in all thy doings. When thou liest down at night, lie down unto the Lord that he might watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God.” (Alma 37:37) When we council with Lord in all things he can then direct us in the best possible way. We will have great success if we involve the Lord in our everyday lives.
We should pray at least in the morning and at night and before our meals. However, there is no limit to how much time you spend talking to God. You can pray as often as your heart desires. Our Father in heaven loves to hear from us. Jesus Christ told his disciples to always keep a prayer in their hearts. (3 Nephi 20:1)
David A. Bednar taught “Morning and evening prayers- and all of the prayers in between- are not unrelated, discrete events; rather, they are linked together each day and across days, weeks, months even years. This is in part how we fulfill the scriptural admonition to pray always.” (David Bednar- Pray Always, 42) As long as we keep a prayer in our hearts and pray unto the Lord in the mornings, throughout the day and in the evenings before we go to bed we will always have the Lord’s spirit to be with us. We will feel closer to the Lord’s love and we will feel his hand in our lives as he guides and directs us towards our ultimate goal of Eternal Life.
Alma 37:36 teaches us “…cry unto God for all thy support… let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea let the affections of thy heart be placed on the Lord forever…” We should always pray to God. We need to pray to him when we are discouraged or struggling just as much as we need to pray and thank him when we have had a good day. We must communicate with our loving Heavenly Father as often as possible, and even when we are not on our knees praying to him it is still important to keep him in our thoughts and in our hearts.
There will be days of struggle and heartache, when we think we can go on no longer. It will seem as if we are sinking into the depths of despair. We will feel tempted to just give up rather than turn to the Lord. President Monson said “At times there appears to be no light at the tunnels end- no dawn to break the night’s darkness. We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. If you find yourself in such a situation, I plead with you to turn to our Father in heaven in faith. He will lift you, and guide you. He will not always take your afflictions from you, but He will comfort and lead you with love through whatever storm you face.” (Thomas S. Monson- Looking Back and looking Forward, 90)
God gave us prayer as a lifeline. Using prayer we can call upon our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, to save us when we feel like we are drowning; just as Peter called to the Master “Save me” when he began to be swallowed up in the depths of the sea. (Matt. 14:30) Sometimes we will feel discouraged and begin to lose faith when we see the winds and torrents billowing up around us. But we must remember that all we have to do is call out to the master and he will be there for us immediately.
Just as we might make a call home when we are discouraged with an assignment in school or stressed for a test that is coming up, we can also make a one way call to our Heavenly Father in times of need, despair, discouragement or confusion. He knows all the answers for the exam. He may not give us the answers, but he will always take the time to listen and offer help where he sees fit. The Lord will never abandon us, he is always there; you just have to dial the number.

Works Cited
-The Standard Works
-Book of Mormon- Student Manual Religion 121-122- Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Salt Lake City, UT, 2009
-James E. Faust- Conference report, Apr. 2002, (67) or Ensign, May, 2002, (59)
-Lessons from the Lord’s Prayers- Russell M. Nelson, Ensign, May, 2008, (46-49)
-Joseph F. Smith- Conference Report, Oct. 1912, (133-134)
-Pray Always- David A. Bednar, Ensign Nov. 2008 (41-44)
-Looking Back and Moving Forward- Thomas S. Monson, Ensign, May 2008, (87-90)
-lds.org
-http://scriptures.lds.org/

This I Believe

2009-09-26T16:02:00.000-07:00

God does not make life difficult in order to laugh at our feeble attempts, but rather because he loves us and he knows that in the end it will strengthen us…
It was as if I had been pushing the inevitable to the back of my mind, unwilling to face the truth of what was to come. We walked over to the counter and placed our tickets on top. I scanned the glass case underneath the countertop, in which lay an array of prizes; ranging from a small rubber bouncy ball to a rather large stuffed animal. The woman at the counter counted up our tickets and pointed to the top shelf, telling us, we could choose from any of the items there. My younger siblings, eager as ever to claim their prizes, immediately began pointing at the desired objects. My eyes glanced over a few of the items, a bouncy ball, some Laffy Taffy’s, some stickers as well as other miscellaneous things. Nothing seemed to interest me.
I began to feel a lump growing in the back of my throat. The excitement and fun of the day now over, I was left with inevitable staring me in the face. Unable to run from it any longer, the tears began to well up in my eyes. I looked over to where my family still sat, investigating the prizes. My dad looked over his shoulder at me. “Do you know what you want?” He asked gently. I mumbled something about letting the boys use my tickets and wandered over to a solitary bench, sitting down.
A few moments later my dad appeared at my side and sat down next to me. I stared off towards the golf course forcing my thoughts to turn away from the pain. Fathers showing children how to hit the golf ball towards the hole in the center of a sea of green, their laughter and cries of frustration when the ball narrowly missed the hole; it all seemed so unreal.
“What’s wrong?” My dad ventured. I paused, trying to get a hold of my emotions and the turmoil that was threatening to burst forth at any moment. With a shaky voice I said: “I don’t want you to leave.”
My dad stared back and answered “I don’t want to go either…. But I have to. I know it will be hard for me to leave you guys and mom. It will be really weird at first, but I will still call you and we can talk over the phone.” He paused. “Besides, the time will fly by, and before you know it I’ll be back.” I stared up at my dad, feeling slightly better and more in control at having spoken the words that expressed what I had been feeling, but had not wanted to realize. Slowly we both stood and embraced. Tears began to flow freely now as I wrapped my arms around the man who meant the most to me, the man that I respected, looked up to and admired. He smiled down at me and I smiled back as we both turned to rejoin our family.
The following morning, overcast as it was, saw us saying good bye to dad and sending him off to fight for the freedom of our country. Saying goodbye was hard, and I am positive that it was not easy for my dad to have to leave us and go to war in another country. Reflecting back on it now, I wonder why my dad had felt so strongly that he needed to stay in the army even after his first activation. It has occurred to me that the Lord may have had something in store for our family. God was not mocking our happiness, nor was he putting us to the test because of a lack of love or concern for our wellbeing. No indeed, his very purpose in giving us this trial was so that we could grow together and become stronger for it.
I will never forget the lessons learned from that experience in our lives. My mom and dad put extreme faith in the Lord by trusting him when my dad felt the need to stay in the army. There were things that he saw and learned there that he could never have experienced elsewhere. There were things that we learned as a family that could only be learned through this experience. And we are better for it because we now trust in the Lord and feel his love for us each and every day.

Finding and Making Friends that will Last an Eternity

2009-09-13T14:04:00.000-07:00

What exactly makes the difference between a friend, a best friend and an acquaintance? A big part of it probably has to do with the experiences you go through together. A friend relationship that has gone through some struggles and some really hard times together is likely to last a much longer time than another friend relationship.
I find that when you really, truly care about someone, and you serve them, you also create a bond that lasts longer, into the eternities. Giving to others is one of the best ways to better yourself and it will always gain you many good friends.
I have found some wonderful friends that have helped me in so many ways and they are always there for me even when I don't deserve it. Constantly when I find myself depressed or hurting inside I immediately have friends or family members that I can call or text and they always help and comfort me.
Some of my very best friends are my family members. My sister and my mom have been the biggest support to me since I came to College. I have been here one week and already it is hard, very hard. Certain circumstances have discouraged me, but my family has been there to pick me right back up again.
I would like to dedicate this blog to a few people. First of all my family: Mom and Dad, Cache, Mauri, Jacob and Brett. I love you guys sooo much. Next I want to recognize my dearest and closest friends: Jordan, Robert, Janae, Julia, Parker and Donovan. And also to my newest friend, Sarah. I don't know if I would have been able to survive this week without her. I love you all, never forget that I am always thinking about you. Thanks for always being there and looking out for me when I needed it the most.

A Toast for Change

2009-08-25T17:33:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we find ourselves dreading the future. Why is that? I believe that it is because we, as natural human beings, fear the unknown. Imagine if you were the first person ever to go to school, to get married or to have a baby. I think that would be a very interesting experience as well as a frightening one. At least we have someone who has done it before us, someone who can sort of give us an idea of what to expect.
Change is not a bad thing, in fact sometimes it is a very good thing. Some people thrive on change; often times they get bored without new circumstances to keep their attention. I am one of these people, I like change. But sometimes it can be a scary thing, because it is new and I am not sure what to expect from it. I am attending College up at BYU-Idaho in two weeks and I can tell you that the thought of it all is somewhat frightening but also exciting.
I am a little nervous because my circumstances are going to change from having a mommy always there to take care me to me having to take care of myself. Not an easy change; however I am still looking forward to it because I see it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Mom and Dad will not always be there; that is simply not how it works. Change is inevitable so what we must do is take it in stride always having a good attitude.
I would also like to dedicate this blog to changing things in our lives for the better. This is America that we live in. We have the opportunity to change our lives and to move on to bigger and better things. Don't tell me that is impossible because I know that it is not. Things might seem pretty desperate at the moment but soon enough you will make it over that mountain and you will get to where the grass is greener. So let us make a toast for change, change for the better and live long and prosper.

Whose in control, your Brain or You?

2009-08-23T15:32:00.000-07:00

Just this past week I had the opportunity to attend Education Week on BYU Campus in Provo, UT. I took a class there that talked a lot about how we have the ability to change our mindset or our attitude about anything. One comment that the teacher made was that we have control over our brains, not the other way around.
Our brains are incredible, and they can do amazing things as long as this is the desire in our hearts. Our entire body was built to function together in a way that is most efficient.
When I was little and I would get frustrated about school work I would always say to myself "I can't do this, this is impossible." My mom would reply to me that if I continued to say this to myself, it would eventually be true. Our brains are programmed in such a way that if we tell ourselves something enough times eventually it becomes reality and we start to actually believe it. It works the other way around as well. If we tell ourselves that we can do something eventually we will be able to work ourselves to the point that we can do it.
I have experience with this in running; it is amazing what brain power can do when the rest of your body wants to give up. I remember on a few occasions when my body was so tired and exhausted that I didn't think I would be able to finish my race. It was on these occasions when I told myself that I could do it, that I was able to keep going and I found a strength deep within myself that I did not think I had. Always on that last lap in the mile or the two mile or whatever it is, you think that you have nothing left but if you just tell yourself that you can, you will be amazed at what you can accomplish.
Sometimes what we think or rather what we allow our brains to think is not always the right thing; we know this because we have the light of Christ, or in other words a conscience, that allows us to determine right from wrong. No matter what our minds may be thinking or what people tell us to think, our heart and our spirit know differently.
We might be having a bad day where it just seems like everything is going wrong. I am here to tell you that this is all in your head... literally. Our brains are funny things and it seems that we are often distracted with what we see around us and with outside influences. But the fact of the matter is, we don't have to believe any of it.
I have known amazing people who, it seems, are always happy no matter what tragedies might come at them in their lives. I never cease to be amazed at these people and their ability to choose happiness no matter how bad the circumstances. Your circumstances do not determine your happiness, or rather they shouldn't.
Dale Carnegie said: "Happiness does not depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions." You are in control of what makes you happy or unhappy. If you want to change your life, start by simply changing your thoughts; you will be amazed at the power and control that you do have in your life.

For the Temple is a Holy Place

2009-07-26T10:45:00.001-07:00

Have you ever been in a place so quiet that you don't dare to breathe for fear of breaking a silence so vast you can almost hear it? One of my favorite places in the world to go is to the grounds of LDS temples. There is a peace there that can only be found in the rarest of places. Not very often can we find such places in this world today. A place where you can think, contemplate and ponder without interruption. I remember a time when I was on BYU campus, and while waiting for my dad to finish work I decided to go up to the LDS Provo Temple. I decided that I would walk around behind the temple. As soon as I walked around to the back, it was as if the rest of the world suddenly no longer existed. The quiet was almost deafening, if you know what I mean. But it was a peaceful quiet, a relaxing quiet. I remember just sitting there, feeling an overwhelming sense of peace, of comfort and joy. I knew that just up the hill from where I sat lay a road with cars and homes just across the street. But it was as if a sound barrier had been put up and no sound was allowed to escape into the perimeter surrounding the temple. Even the birds had stopped their singing as a sign of respect to the sacredness of the temple. It was an experience that I will not forget in a hurry. The temple truly is the House of the Lord and it is a very Holy Place. Every temple I have ever been to has had the same feeling of security and peace about it. Just a few weeks ago I had the oppurtunity to go on tour to Idaho, Montanna and Canada with a commuinty choir. We stopped at a couple of different temples, but it was always the same in that each temple seemed so cut off from the hustle and bustle of the 21st century. Walking onto the temple grounds is an amazing and joyous experience. I like to think that leaving the world and going into the temples is a lot like what it is going to be for us when we return back to the gates of Heaven to live with our Heavenly Father in his Heavenly home.

What do I have to cry about?

2009-07-26T10:20:00.000-07:00

So many times I have felt depressed or sad and I have just wanted to cry. Sure sometimes crying is good for you. Sometimes it is better to let it out rather than hold everything in. However I have on occasion felt sad for really no apparent reason. I just want to cry because I want comfort and I want attention. The best way to describe this emotion is that I want to cry but I can't. Part of that is because I do not feel like I have any real reason to be upset. It's like I am looking for ways to be unhappy and that is where the problem is. Crying is not a bad thing, it is only when we constantly feel sorry for ourselves that it can be damaging to us. I believe that Satan, the devil and enemy to all mankind, wants us to feel this way because when we are so emotionally down on ourselves it is easier for him to take place in our hearts and to tell us that we are worthless. When we feel sorry for ourselves we are feeling a worldly sorrow rather than a Godly sorrow. Worldly sorrow is a selfish sorrow and can only lead us to feel worse about ourselves. So many times we have felt feelings of despair and grief; these feelings are confusing because we do not fully understand what we are so depressed about. The best and only way to get out of this trap is to turn to a loving God who wants nothing more than for us to be happy. He will help us if we just turn to him; I have experienced these desperate feelings of despair. You will feel as though there is nobody to turn to and you will feel helpless; but you are not. Just remember that when you do feel this way and you wonder to yourself why you are so sad or what you have to cry about, remember that the Lord is always just a prayer a way. You just have to make the effort to go to him.

Accepting Ourselves- Getting rid of the Mask

2009-07-25T15:42:00.000-07:00

Too often, I think we find that we are unsatisfied with ourselves. We all have various perks that we would like to change. A lot of people find themselves desperately searching for ways to fit in and become one of the crowd. I have in my life time, seen many people fall victim to this; they become in a way two-faced. It can be very annoying and frustrating to see certain people do this, especially when you have seen their other side rather than the mask that they put on for certain people. Don't get me wrong, I have found myself guilty of this at certain times but I also realize that is exhausting, trying to keep up with what you believe others will want to see. The funny thing is that most of the time people really don't care what we are doing. We all worry too much about what others think when really they probably don't even notice. I have come to realize that being myself has gained me just as many friends as I may have had, pretending to be someone that I am not. But the important part is that the friends that I have are the good ones. They may not be popular, and they may not be the best looking or have the best hair or the best clothes, (at least according to the worlds standards) but they are my true friends and they have helped me through so much. I know that if I needed them, they would come immediately to my aid. A friend very dear to me has helped me so much with this. He has taught me that I am perfect the way that God made me. I don't have to be dissatisfied with myself or worry about my imperfections and faults. The reality is that if you find satisfaction with who you are and what you have, you will be the happiest person on this earth.

Are unalienable rights really unalienable?

2009-02-09T19:04:00.000-08:00

Recently in my English class we have been reading a book called Starship Troopers by Robert Heinlein. In this book the subject is brought up of whether or not the unalienable rights mentioned in the United States Declaration of Independence are really unalienable.
In the Declaration of Independence the founding fathers stated "...we hold these truths to be self evident that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness..." Unalienable is a word defined as something that is not to be separated, given or taken away. But are these rights really unalienable no matter what the circumstance?
This same book also brings to focus the fact that freedom is not free, nor is anything worthwhile free. I believe this is true, partly because my own dad was in the military and I know for a fact that it is because of him and others that we have our freedom. Someone has to pay the price whether by hard work or by sacrificing their own life.
The founding fathers did not say, when they wrote this into the Declaration, that men are endowed with these unalienable rights as long as they work hard and obey the laws of society. However it is implied that this must occur because we do not live in a perfect world with perfect people. Therefore life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness must be sought after and worked for. Our founding fathers included this passage into the Declaration because they wanted Americans to at least have the opportunity to pursue each of these rights. In most countries people do not have these rights; take China for example. They are only allowed one child and the rest are just killed. Talk about taking away the right to life. As Americans we are lucky, we have the right and the privilege to pursuing happiness, life and liberty.
So are they really without question unalienable rights? Some could argue no. But I think yes, if you choose to work and put forth effort in pursuit of them.

I did it because I love it

2009-02-05T17:29:00.000-08:00

Isn't it funny how some of the hardest things you have to do in life are usually the most worthwhile? Last Saturday I had a violin audition at BYU to get into the music program there. I was so nervous and I started to get that sick feeling inside where you just wish that it was over or that you could turn around and go home. But I didn't go home, I went through with it and it actually wasn't that bad.
Interestingly enough I realized afterwords that I never even had to go through with the audition in the first place. I could have simply said that I didn't want to do it, and that would have been it. I was talking with a teacher at my school and eventually I got around to telling him about the audition and how I hadn't even known I was going to do it until about a week and a half before the actual audition. He then proceeded to ask me why I had decided to do it even though I knew that I only had a little over a week to prepare. I told him- realizing this within myself as I said it- that my reasons for going through with this were because I was passionate about the violin and a simple stage fright wasn't going to back me down, because I knew that I would immensely regret it if I didn't do the audition. After I told him that, he looked at me with a sense of awe and admiration at my determination and will to succeed at something that I love so much.
It is not always going to be easy to accomplish the things that you want most in life, but I guess that is what is so special and unique to a person. Knowing what you want is just part of developing and maintaining your very own personality, allowing you to express yourself with a sense of confidence; and confidence is the key to your success.