As I look back on my life and how far I have come I see a lot of similarities and a lot of differences. I am still the same reserved person I have always been and yet I am not shy and timid as I was. Sometimes when I look back I dislike what I remember, almost as if I am ashamed. What must people have thought of me then? What do they think of me now?
I feel such a competition in life, which strikes me as odd because last I checked God wasn't holding 100 spots for the prettiest, most active of his children. It's not a competition. Sometimes I have to remind myself of this... ok a lot. But when I do remember who I am and that it's not a competition I am happier and I see my self worth.
It took me some time but I finally realized what I was doing in my subconscious. I was comparing myself to others around me or rather to ideals that surrounded me. I had and sometimes still have a complexity issue with believing strongly in myself. I was downsizing my self worth because of how I was different from other people around me.
It might seem strange but once I realized what I had been doing in my subconscious I was able to get around it and I started to see a new light on life. I have felt so grateful and so blessed of late and when I kneel down beside my bed at night I have so much to thank my father in Heaven for that my heart overflows with the joy of it. The way I see myself comes to matter less and in turn my self worth soars because I am not worrying so much about it. Life isn't a competition but a blessing to be enjoyed and used to it's fullest.
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