This I Believe

God does not make life difficult in order to laugh at our feeble attempts, but rather because he loves us and he knows that in the end it will strengthen us…
It was as if I had been pushing the inevitable to the back of my mind, unwilling to face the truth of what was to come. We walked over to the counter and placed our tickets on top. I scanned the glass case underneath the countertop, in which lay an array of prizes; ranging from a small rubber bouncy ball to a rather large stuffed animal. The woman at the counter counted up our tickets and pointed to the top shelf, telling us, we could choose from any of the items there. My younger siblings, eager as ever to claim their prizes, immediately began pointing at the desired objects. My eyes glanced over a few of the items, a bouncy ball, some Laffy Taffy’s, some stickers as well as other miscellaneous things. Nothing seemed to interest me.
I began to feel a lump growing in the back of my throat. The excitement and fun of the day now over, I was left with inevitable staring me in the face. Unable to run from it any longer, the tears began to well up in my eyes. I looked over to where my family still sat, investigating the prizes. My dad looked over his shoulder at me. “Do you know what you want?” He asked gently. I mumbled something about letting the boys use my tickets and wandered over to a solitary bench, sitting down.
A few moments later my dad appeared at my side and sat down next to me. I stared off towards the golf course forcing my thoughts to turn away from the pain. Fathers showing children how to hit the golf ball towards the hole in the center of a sea of green, their laughter and cries of frustration when the ball narrowly missed the hole; it all seemed so unreal.
“What’s wrong?” My dad ventured. I paused, trying to get a hold of my emotions and the turmoil that was threatening to burst forth at any moment. With a shaky voice I said: “I don’t want you to leave.”
My dad stared back and answered “I don’t want to go either…. But I have to. I know it will be hard for me to leave you guys and mom. It will be really weird at first, but I will still call you and we can talk over the phone.” He paused. “Besides, the time will fly by, and before you know it I’ll be back.” I stared up at my dad, feeling slightly better and more in control at having spoken the words that expressed what I had been feeling, but had not wanted to realize. Slowly we both stood and embraced. Tears began to flow freely now as I wrapped my arms around the man who meant the most to me, the man that I respected, looked up to and admired. He smiled down at me and I smiled back as we both turned to rejoin our family.
The following morning, overcast as it was, saw us saying good bye to dad and sending him off to fight for the freedom of our country. Saying goodbye was hard, and I am positive that it was not easy for my dad to have to leave us and go to war in another country. Reflecting back on it now, I wonder why my dad had felt so strongly that he needed to stay in the army even after his first activation. It has occurred to me that the Lord may have had something in store for our family. God was not mocking our happiness, nor was he putting us to the test because of a lack of love or concern for our wellbeing. No indeed, his very purpose in giving us this trial was so that we could grow together and become stronger for it.
I will never forget the lessons learned from that experience in our lives. My mom and dad put extreme faith in the Lord by trusting him when my dad felt the need to stay in the army. There were things that he saw and learned there that he could never have experienced elsewhere. There were things that we learned as a family that could only be learned through this experience. And we are better for it because we now trust in the Lord and feel his love for us each and every day.

Finding and Making Friends that will Last an Eternity

What exactly makes the difference between a friend, a best friend and an acquaintance? A big part of it probably has to do with the experiences you go through together. A friend relationship that has gone through some struggles and some really hard times together is likely to last a much longer time than another friend relationship.
I find that when you really, truly care about someone, and you serve them, you also create a bond that lasts longer, into the eternities. Giving to others is one of the best ways to better yourself and it will always gain you many good friends.
I have found some wonderful friends that have helped me in so many ways and they are always there for me even when I don't deserve it. Constantly when I find myself depressed or hurting inside I immediately have friends or family members that I can call or text and they always help and comfort me.
Some of my very best friends are my family members. My sister and my mom have been the biggest support to me since I came to College. I have been here one week and already it is hard, very hard. Certain circumstances have discouraged me, but my family has been there to pick me right back up again.
I would like to dedicate this blog to a few people. First of all my family: Mom and Dad, Cache, Mauri, Jacob and Brett. I love you guys sooo much. Next I want to recognize my dearest and closest friends: Jordan, Robert, Janae, Julia, Parker and Donovan. And also to my newest friend, Sarah. I don't know if I would have been able to survive this week without her. I love you all, never forget that I am always thinking about you. Thanks for always being there and looking out for me when I needed it the most.

A Toast for Change

Sometimes we find ourselves dreading the future. Why is that? I believe that it is because we, as natural human beings, fear the unknown. Imagine if you were the first person ever to go to school, to get married or to have a baby. I think that would be a very interesting experience as well as a frightening one. At least we have someone who has done it before us, someone who can sort of give us an idea of what to expect.
Change is not a bad thing, in fact sometimes it is a very good thing. Some people thrive on change; often times they get bored without new circumstances to keep their attention. I am one of these people, I like change. But sometimes it can be a scary thing, because it is new and I am not sure what to expect from it. I am attending College up at BYU-Idaho in two weeks and I can tell you that the thought of it all is somewhat frightening but also exciting.
I am a little nervous because my circumstances are going to change from having a mommy always there to take care me to me having to take care of myself. Not an easy change; however I am still looking forward to it because I see it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Mom and Dad will not always be there; that is simply not how it works. Change is inevitable so what we must do is take it in stride always having a good attitude.
I would also like to dedicate this blog to changing things in our lives for the better. This is America that we live in. We have the opportunity to change our lives and to move on to bigger and better things. Don't tell me that is impossible because I know that it is not. Things might seem pretty desperate at the moment but soon enough you will make it over that mountain and you will get to where the grass is greener. So let us make a toast for change, change for the better and live long and prosper.

Whose in control, your Brain or You?

Just this past week I had the opportunity to attend Education Week on BYU Campus in Provo, UT. I took a class there that talked a lot about how we have the ability to change our mindset or our attitude about anything. One comment that the teacher made was that we have control over our brains, not the other way around.
Our brains are incredible, and they can do amazing things as long as this is the desire in our hearts. Our entire body was built to function together in a way that is most efficient.
When I was little and I would get frustrated about school work I would always say to myself "I can't do this, this is impossible." My mom would reply to me that if I continued to say this to myself, it would eventually be true. Our brains are programmed in such a way that if we tell ourselves something enough times eventually it becomes reality and we start to actually believe it. It works the other way around as well. If we tell ourselves that we can do something eventually we will be able to work ourselves to the point that we can do it.
I have experience with this in running; it is amazing what brain power can do when the rest of your body wants to give up. I remember on a few occasions when my body was so tired and exhausted that I didn't think I would be able to finish my race. It was on these occasions when I told myself that I could do it, that I was able to keep going and I found a strength deep within myself that I did not think I had. Always on that last lap in the mile or the two mile or whatever it is, you think that you have nothing left but if you just tell yourself that you can, you will be amazed at what you can accomplish.
Sometimes what we think or rather what we allow our brains to think is not always the right thing; we know this because we have the light of Christ, or in other words a conscience, that allows us to determine right from wrong. No matter what our minds may be thinking or what people tell us to think, our heart and our spirit know differently.
We might be having a bad day where it just seems like everything is going wrong. I am here to tell you that this is all in your head... literally. Our brains are funny things and it seems that we are often distracted with what we see around us and with outside influences. But the fact of the matter is, we don't have to believe any of it.
I have known amazing people who, it seems, are always happy no matter what tragedies might come at them in their lives. I never cease to be amazed at these people and their ability to choose happiness no matter how bad the circumstances. Your circumstances do not determine your happiness, or rather they shouldn't.
Dale Carnegie said: "Happiness does not depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions." You are in control of what makes you happy or unhappy. If you want to change your life, start by simply changing your thoughts; you will be amazed at the power and control that you do have in your life.

For the Temple is a Holy Place

Have you ever been in a place so quiet that you don't dare to breathe for fear of breaking a silence so vast you can almost hear it? One of my favorite places in the world to go is to the grounds of LDS temples. There is a peace there that can only be found in the rarest of places. Not very often can we find such places in this world today. A place where you can think, contemplate and ponder without interruption. I remember a time when I was on BYU campus, and while waiting for my dad to finish work I decided to go up to the LDS Provo Temple. I decided that I would walk around behind the temple. As soon as I walked around to the back, it was as if the rest of the world suddenly no longer existed. The quiet was almost deafening, if you know what I mean. But it was a peaceful quiet, a relaxing quiet. I remember just sitting there, feeling an overwhelming sense of peace, of comfort and joy. I knew that just up the hill from where I sat lay a road with cars and homes just across the street. But it was as if a sound barrier had been put up and no sound was allowed to escape into the perimeter surrounding the temple. Even the birds had stopped their singing as a sign of respect to the sacredness of the temple. It was an experience that I will not forget in a hurry. The temple truly is the House of the Lord and it is a very Holy Place. Every temple I have ever been to has had the same feeling of security and peace about it. Just a few weeks ago I had the oppurtunity to go on tour to Idaho, Montanna and Canada with a commuinty choir. We stopped at a couple of different temples, but it was always the same in that each temple seemed so cut off from the hustle and bustle of the 21st century. Walking onto the temple grounds is an amazing and joyous experience. I like to think that leaving the world and going into the temples is a lot like what it is going to be for us when we return back to the gates of Heaven to live with our Heavenly Father in his Heavenly home.

What do I have to cry about?

So many times I have felt depressed or sad and I have just wanted to cry. Sure sometimes crying is good for you. Sometimes it is better to let it out rather than hold everything in. However I have on occasion felt sad for really no apparent reason. I just want to cry because I want comfort and I want attention. The best way to describe this emotion is that I want to cry but I can't. Part of that is because I do not feel like I have any real reason to be upset. It's like I am looking for ways to be unhappy and that is where the problem is. Crying is not a bad thing, it is only when we constantly feel sorry for ourselves that it can be damaging to us. I believe that Satan, the devil and enemy to all mankind, wants us to feel this way because when we are so emotionally down on ourselves it is easier for him to take place in our hearts and to tell us that we are worthless. When we feel sorry for ourselves we are feeling a worldly sorrow rather than a Godly sorrow. Worldly sorrow is a selfish sorrow and can only lead us to feel worse about ourselves. So many times we have felt feelings of despair and grief; these feelings are confusing because we do not fully understand what we are so depressed about. The best and only way to get out of this trap is to turn to a loving God who wants nothing more than for us to be happy. He will help us if we just turn to him; I have experienced these desperate feelings of despair. You will feel as though there is nobody to turn to and you will feel helpless; but you are not. Just remember that when you do feel this way and you wonder to yourself why you are so sad or what you have to cry about, remember that the Lord is always just a prayer a way. You just have to make the effort to go to him.

Accepting Ourselves- Getting rid of the Mask

Too often, I think we find that we are unsatisfied with ourselves. We all have various perks that we would like to change. A lot of people find themselves desperately searching for ways to fit in and become one of the crowd. I have in my life time, seen many people fall victim to this; they become in a way two-faced. It can be very annoying and frustrating to see certain people do this, especially when you have seen their other side rather than the mask that they put on for certain people. Don't get me wrong, I have found myself guilty of this at certain times but I also realize that is exhausting, trying to keep up with what you believe others will want to see. The funny thing is that most of the time people really don't care what we are doing. We all worry too much about what others think when really they probably don't even notice. I have come to realize that being myself has gained me just as many friends as I may have had, pretending to be someone that I am not. But the important part is that the friends that I have are the good ones. They may not be popular, and they may not be the best looking or have the best hair or the best clothes, (at least according to the worlds standards) but they are my true friends and they have helped me through so much. I know that if I needed them, they would come immediately to my aid. A friend very dear to me has helped me so much with this. He has taught me that I am perfect the way that God made me. I don't have to be dissatisfied with myself or worry about my imperfections and faults. The reality is that if you find satisfaction with who you are and what you have, you will be the happiest person on this earth.